We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
