my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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