I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
