I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
