he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
