I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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