problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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