i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
