At least make sure they are 18
Why
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
