Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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