i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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