dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
