you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
