Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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