May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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