The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
