He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
