fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
