i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
