This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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