what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
All the doctor said was why
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
