Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
