she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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