I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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