Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
