I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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