this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
