He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
