On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
