i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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