On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
