she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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