I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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