I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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