Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
