Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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