I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
