I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
