i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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