Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
