My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
