if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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