she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
