I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
