saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Congratulations! We have a period
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
