Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
