i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
