My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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