Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
