Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
