Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
