I just made out with a guy for $7.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
