I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
