Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
