it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
