When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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