I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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