My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
